I'm finally sober enough to type a new blog. The previous 5 days have been a drunken disaster of epic proportions. Starting with our show on Wednesday, September 8 thru yesterday's NFL games, I've been a tear of partying and placing my liver thru a distugsting obstacle race of various types of liquor. Anyway, I first want to thank the men of Sigma Nu @ Kansas University for a great time of fun and debauchery. I also want to thank the Delta Gamma ladies for being hot and making me feel like a creepy old man. I've never felt old in my life untill Friday's show. Many of the Delta Gamma ladies were about 2 weeks into their Freshman year of college. In other words they are only about 5 months removed from high school graduation. 10 years isn't that big of an age difference, but when you're 18 it makes me feel like a man on "To Catch" a Predator." Numerous girls called me old and commented that I was "hot for an old man." It's amazing that they think 28 is old. I just couldn't allow myself to bang one of these girls. Sure they were hot, but 18 is just a kid. Not to mention, I wasn't drunk enough, if I had about 5 more beers I would have no moral conscience.
So, I went to the bar with the sorority girls and my craigslist hired promo model who got ridiculously drunk. She was so drunk she puked at the frat house and then told us the following:
1) I have IUD birth control so you can totally cum all up inside me and I can't get pregnant.
2) I'm recovering from a recent bout of the clap (chlamydia)
3) I've had multiple 3 somes and enjoy eating pussy
What can I say, but I only hire the classiest girls for my shows. Anway, we all listened in amazement as she told us vivid stories of birth control, 3 somes, and contracting the clap. Telling a guy " you can cum up inside me" and follwing it with a story about contracting an STD is not cool. You just get a man all excited for some unprotecting sex and than crush his hopes with thoughts of burning urine. Anyway, I awoke early Saturday morning and headed back to St. Louis to meet back up with my best friend and college fraternity friend. Our supposed low key night turned into a 7 hour drinking affair capped by an adverted DUI. Somehow my friend got out of a DUI by claiming he was just driving his drunk from California home (i.e. my drunk ass). It worked and yesterday I awoke and continued my drunken rage while wathcing the first week of NFL games. The only thing I love more than the NFL is gambling on the NFL. It has literally changed my life and turned me into a de-generate. The highs/lows that come with gambling on the NFL is a sick roller coaster ride. Toss in alcohol and you have a long Sunday of partying and yelling at the television. Anyway, I'm finally coherent today and it feels good to not wake up with hang over. I'll savor these few days because this weekend will be another shit show.