So,I've been driving across this great country for the past 24 hours and have already put 1,300 miles on the rental car. Sometimes it feels like a different country when I go on tours. Each state has it's own unique people and I love meeting people from all walks of life, except gays (kidding). Anway, today I've driven thru California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, and Oklahoma. Here are some of my first obervations: The number of fat, ugly, and stupid people sporting trashy tattoos has gotten completely out of control. Also, Indians love selling jewelry and blankets. We all know they love the booze and gambling, but no one ever mentions the countless trade stores that litter Arizona/New Mexico/Oklahoma. I also found it ironic that in the state of Arizona there is a sacred Indian burial ground and literally across the highway is a power plant spewing all sorts of toxins into mother earth. It's bad enough we killed every Indian thru war, and small pox, but some asshole had to slap the natives in the face one last time. On a positive note I did buy 3 small Indian children for a foot long chicken breast Subway sandwhich. This was a great steal even in this economy and I've already put these fuckers to work with hand made Original Frat Boys of Comedy shalls.
Also, I've been eating like the biggest fat ass and am clearly trying to give myself a heart attack on tour. Below is a list of things I've eaten in the last 24 hours:
1) Jack in the Box - 2 Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers & 3 Chicken Sandwhiches
2) Chesters Chicken (Owner must be a child molestor) - 6 Fried Chicken Fingers, 3 Large Potato Wedges and a Biscuit
3) IHOP - Large Steak Omlette and 3 Pancakes
So, I'm sitting at IHOP debating about finishing my meal and also thanking myself for bringing wet wipes because my dumps are going to smell awful. On that note I gotta get back on the road and get home to Cincy so I can greet my parents with some smelly farts.
Peace Bitches - Ruther